I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
imagine a horror movie where you’re trapped in your house with a serial killer but all your lights are clappers
so you’re running for your life from this psychopath while both of you are just aggressively clapping the lights on and off
my existence just screams “could be a teenager, could actually be several centuries old”
i lied it screams “is eternally a teenager that is actually several centuries old”
I know what you are…
HOW IS THIS THE FIRST TIME I’VE SEEN THIS IT’S ALMOST AT 10 MILLION WTF
THIS IS MORE THAN DEAN WITH GYM SHORTS! WHAT
BUT DEAN IN GYM SHORTS
my favorite mythical creatures are the happy girls in tampon commercials
imagine if girls used the same style of joke to degrade men like “cool story bro now go chop some lumber”GO CHOP SOME LUMBER
"what r u doing out of the garage go fix my car"
"Don’t you have something to fix somewhere."